


Please

by CrazyLabRat



Series: Longing [2]
Category: Naruto
Genre: M/M, POV Hatake Kakashi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-03
Updated: 2020-04-03
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:13:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23460778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrazyLabRat/pseuds/CrazyLabRat
Summary: My sense of control over my own words and actions has always been tight.Always.Out of both necessity and survival.But it extended too far... grew and morphed into this disability. I am severely lacking, socially speaking.That hasn't ever really bothered me before.Not until him.Iruka.
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi/Umino Iruka
Series: Longing [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1687759
Comments: 7
Kudos: 83





	Please

**Author's Note:**

> Hello my lovelies!
> 
> This was an accident. 
> 
> I didn't mean to write this... but once it was written, I had to post it.
> 
> Even though I'm supposed to be working on other things at the moment. 
> 
> Oops.
> 
> Anyhow, I hope those who liked Tomorrow, enjoy this look into Kakashi's mind. 
> 
> As always, any errors will be fixed in due course. 
> 
> Now then, enough noise from me...
> 
> On with the story!

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Every time we talk, there's so much I _wish_ I could say. 

So much floating around inside of me, that it feels like I might drown in it all. 

It's been a long time since I've felt this need to be so close with another person. 

It's been even longer since I've allowed that very same need to control my actions. 

And yet, I can't seem to stop. 

I can't help but be pulled to him. 

I just need to be near him. I truly _need_ it. 

My sense of control over my own words and actions has always been tight. 

Always. 

Out of both necessity and survival. 

But it extended too far... grew and morphed into this disability. I am severely lacking, socially speaking. 

That hasn't ever really bothered me before. 

Not until him. 

Iruka.

Every time we talk, the words I wish I could say are locked behind my tongue, buried deep in the dungeon of my throat. My teeth and lips guard them carefully, and my mask is the moat that serves as an extra form of protection and defense. 

But there is one word that fights against it all, the most. 

One that is stronger than all the others hidden within those depths. 

And it haunts me. 

It's there, every time I dream. 

I say it to him over and over and over again. Until my voice is raw and broken. Until I can't speak anymore. And he listens. He hears me. And he smiles and nods. 

And at the dawn of every new day, I rise feeling ragged and battle worn. 

Still, I wouldn't trade those dreams for anything. 

Even now. 

Today, that dream is more painful than usual. 

Today, I am taking some space. 

One month ago, I wasn't the first one to say it. 

Just one month ago, he'd been adorable, and drunk, and so very close. 

Watching me with those piercing eyes, despite how inebriated he'd been. 

He'd been saying cute things, and I couldn't handle the weight of his gaze. 

I couldn't handle the warmth of his closeness. 

The walls of the prison my words were locked behind had begun to tremble. 

I'd had to leave. 

To run. 

Still, I hadn't been able to deny that inexorable pull to be near him. 

So I'd hidden in my favorite tree. 

The one he had to pass along his way home, no matter where in the village he'd wandered to. 

I'd cloaked myself and waited. 

Waited for the last image of him I'd get from this day. 

Yes, this behavior borders on obsession. 

Yes, this is fairly close to stalking. 

Yes, I am fully aware. 

No, I hadn't thought of him as mine. Nor did I feel I'd had the right. 

I just needed to see him. 

Needed to at least watch him breathe and laugh and pout and sigh.

Yes, I'd be his if he allowed it. 

If he showed any true inclination.

I've been his for years already, after all. He only needed to claim me. 

But that would never be so. I'm not worthy of such a precious and beautiful thing as his love. A fact that has never escaped me. 

He does allow me to get closer, though. 

He welcomes my company sometimes even. 

I don't touch him. 

Never do I let myself go so far. 

I do watch to make sure he gets home safely, though. 

Especially on that night, when as previously stated, he'd been much less than sober. 

I am still unclear as to how he'd seen me. 

The man could barely stand and yet those eyes were transfixed upon me. 

Like they too, were drawn to me. 

But surely that was a fantasy of my own lovelorn mind. 

He refused to move, and his escort couldn't change that resolve. 

So when Iruka had begun to shout, at well passed midnight... I'd had little choice but to make myself known. 

Iruka had clapped happily, and smugly alerted the other man beside him to the fact that this was one of my most especially favored spots. 

The words made my chest warm and tight.

He'd noticed. 

Kotetsu, the other ninja, seemed to take that information in stride, and simply agreed while pointing out that Iruka still had to get home. 

The brunette shook his head so hard that his ponytail bobbed from side to side as well. 

"No. I want to go with Kakashi."

Just my name, no honorific. 

My cheeks began to burn, even as it all somehow soothed me. 

He didn't want this other person. 

Not their company, nor their presence. 

He wanted _mine_. 

A sort of pride swelled in my chest. 

"I'll see him home safely, if that's what he prefers."

The pleased grin that washed over those comely tanned features was stunning. Blinding. Compelling. 

I'd do anything he asked, if only he'd look at me like that again. 

Kotetsu was gone a moment later, and I was finding it difficult to hold that singular prisoner back. 

It fought harder than ever against its confines. 

Particularly when warm arms curled around one of my own. 

It burned at my defences. 

"You're always here. Always nearby. Even when I can't stand it anymore. But I love it, too."

I wasn't sure what to say to that, so I turned silently towards the way to his home instead...

But he'd locked his feet. 

"Noooo. Not yet... my house is _so_ boring. And it'll mean the night is over. No, no, no. Can't we go to yours instead? Then I can be with you for even longer!"

He'd smiled at me so brightly, ever so pleased with his own solution... and really, what else could I do but concede?

He'd wandered through and touched everything... asking so many questions that I couldn't possibly answer them all. 

But I liked it all the same. 

Reveled in him being so at home in my personal space. I'd give it all to him if he only asked. Every tangible thing I owned. 

He'd laughed at my book collection...

"So you do read more than just Icha Icha..."

Giggled and introduced himself to Mr. Ukki...

And then he'd wandered into my dark bedroom. I'd hesitated to follow until I heard his cry of delight. I crossed the threshold just in time to watch him plop down into my bed, kick off his sandals, and roll around in my sheets. Laughing at how soft they were. 

And then he was talking into the dark...

Telling me words that couldn't possibly be real. 

Saying that he'd wished, so many times before, to be here. That he'd dreamed about it. That perhaps it was better not to see it now, because then he'd be in one of his dreams. 

That maybe now he could kiss me. 

And my prisoner was threatening to riot...

What followed was the most amazing night.

That word, it finally escaped me... but it was alright. 

I got to listen as he talked for what felt like hours, but would never ever be long enough. 

And I got to hold him until we fell asleep. 

It'd been more than I could ever have wished for. 

And then the new day came. 

And he'd vanished without a word. 

And it very nearly broke me. 

But _still_ I had to be near him. 

Only then, it was worse. 

The pull was even stronger, and I was helpless to escape.

I needed to breathe. 

Today, and this small break, was for my own sanity. Perhaps for his as well. 

I've been too near. Weaving myself much closer to him than I usually allowed...

Because he'd _been_ so close. 

He'd been in my reach, against my chest, sharing my breath...

But he didn't _remember_. 

None of it.

If he had, things would've changed. There would've been some reaction from him. Some response. Some sign. 

But he'd been treating me exactly as he always had. 

Our interactions were utterly normal. 

It caused my prisoner and myself inordinate amounts of pain. 

His eyes still pierced me, sharp as a senbon, whenever that gaze flowed in my direction. 

He'd been _too_ drunk though. Too drunk to remember. Too drunk to be held accountable. And I couldn't possibly forget. 

I made a promise. 

One that I will not fail to keep. 

That will take time.

Time and great care. It was a delicate matter, after all. 

But today, I'd rest. 

Today I would leave him be, and cool my own head. 

My pursuit had begun to become too obvious to everyone _besides_ him. 

I don't want to overwhelm him... I don't want to scare him away. 

I've been told that being the reciever of my entire focus can be... alarming. 

Particularly since discussing the emotions and the reasoning behind those actions isn't something I can simply _do_. 

If I'm not careful... he'll run. Far and fast. 

That word is clawing against the bars again... Frantically trying to break free. Even though he isn't here. 

Even though he likely never will be agai-.

A knock on my door startled me from my musings. 

I set the book I'd not even tried to read down, and stood. 

I was expecting Gai, with his 'youthful' yelling... or Asuma shrouded in plumes and wisps of smoke, a knowing half smirk on his lips. 

I was not expecting the sight of Iruka... tan skin and auburn hair haloed in sunlight. Eyes bright with some sort of unidentifiable fire... Gods above, but he was stunning. 

And he was here...

He... he didn't run away. 

_He_ came to find _me_... 

And that word echoed in my ears screaming for all its worth, as his eyes trailed down and then back up my entire body. 

With a speed I wasn't prepared for, he was ducking underneath my arm and bolting into my house...

Back into my room...

Back into my bed...

Back into my arms. 

And that prisoner...

Along with all the others...

Iruka set them all free.

Each and every one. 

He echoed them back...

Releasing his own. 

And that word... the one who'd fought and clawed and thrashed so very hard against me... it chose to stay. 

It chose to rest upon my lips, weary from all of its struggles... and it was allowed to breathe and sing out. 

It called to him. 

And he sensed it. 

Took it into himself. 

Took me into him, into his heart... and calmed us both. 

Soothed and wrapped us in his comfort and warmth.

The need in us both... the intense pressure... the fear and the desperate pull... all were slaked...

Iruka became mine. 

We became one. 

And there was no need to silently beg, anymore. 

He'd finally heard me. 

~~~~~~Owari~~~~~~

**Author's Note:**

> So there we have it, my duckies. 
> 
> I know it's short, but the muses demanded its inclusion. *giggles*
> 
> If you liked it, show me some love, okay?
> 
> If there's anything you'd like to say, do let me know!
> 
> Until next time!
> 
> ~ The Lab Rat


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